PDA: Wrong! But we find it amusing when you do it

Melbourne - Land of the Hat

2008-02-20T00:21:00.000-08:00

You may not know this, but the PDA Police has a number of undercover agents in the fair city of Melbourne. YES. It's true. Far more brazen than their Sydney counterparts, they not only get within ridiculously close proximity of the subjects, they take further measures to humiliate offenders.

Observe. The Hat.

Notice the way they hover the hat overhead when they notice a potential PDA in progress...

Fine work. I thought for such a long time about what I could possibly write to go with this, but I'm really just so impressed I have nothing to say except - I love you guys. So much. Keep sending me pictures please.

Please sir, I want some more.

2008-02-12T03:54:00.000-08:00

We live in a great country. A plentiful land, where there is always more than enough to go around. I mean most of us are fat and overindulged, we have way too many possessions, we waste our money - and we always want MORE. Why does it have to stop there?

I mean how many of you have been out at night, literally fending off women at every pass. It's just annoying after a while. You can take one home, but you leave countless more disappointed and horny. I admire this man:

Satisfying the PDA urge for not one, but TWO women. AT ONCE. Notice he is not kissing one, then the other. It's an attitude that says, "You know what ladies? I'm here, I'm willing - get in there". Whether it's enjoyable is irrelevant - it's the same mentality as those people who eat at Sizzler - quantity, not quality.

Things we can learn from reading...

2008-01-29T02:51:00.000-08:00

“A first kiss should always be done while the two of you are alone. This will help to avoid any unnecessary nervousness and embarrassing situations.
The best type of kiss is one that uses different variations... such as starting with a small kiss, working into a French Kiss, maybe sucking on your partner's upper or lower lip” - http://www.links2love.com/teens_kissing.htm

I couldn’t have written this entry better myself. The truth is I probably could have – but I just really couldn’t be fucked writing it better myself, so I just copied and pasted it exactly word for word. It was also the first website I found when I googled ‘kissing tips’ and thought “this shit will do” . Shutup, I’m busy – I don’t see you writing a blog…

Websites like this are so great for the shy nerds of today. Easily accessible information for the pathetic, the painfully awkward and the underdeveloped teenagers who read up on kissing and then practice on a mango because they can’t do it for real. Back in my day we didn’t have the option of hiding behind a computer screen - we had to walk into a newsagent and buy a Dolly magazine.

Thanks ever so much for wearing that pink jumper Nic. Fabulous-o.

Guys – kissing is DIFFICULT. It’s not just something that comes with instinct – it’s a fine art – it is VERY difficult to get right. This is an example of bad technique:

Now I have read enough Dolly magazines to know that head tilt position is crucial. Teeth clashing is bad! If this guy had read up on any one of the many handy ‘how to’ websites he would know covering the teeth with the lips is the only way to make sure this doesn’t happen.

Another famous tip is the old ‘lip suck/gentle biting’. Now that’s gentle okay?
Maybe do it like this – start with the standard kiss – a bit of hair grabbing is good, they love that

And then bring out the big guns.

This girl is GOOD. She didn’t have her first kiss until she was 18 because she was mocked relentlessly at school day in day out for being a redhead, spending her lunchtimes alone and miserable. Then spending every weekend studying and in her breaks poring over Dolly magazine vowing to become so book smart on the art of making out one day she would SHOW THOSE BASTARDS. Then finally she grew up, everyone realized redheads are fucking awesome and all the hot guys were desperate to get a look in. WE LOVE THIS GIRL! We applaud her!

Except for the fact that in her excitement she neglected to remember something pointed out in the very first line of this blog…
“A first kiss should always be done while the two of you are alone. This will help to avoid any unnecessary nervousness and embarrassing situations”
Like someone taking a photo of you and then putting it up on the internet. And everyone finding out the truth about your childhood and thus undoing all of your careful, careful work.

Sorry.

Technologic

2008-01-20T03:50:00.000-08:00

It's a wonderful thing that in this age of technology, if you're out and about taking photos and your digital camera suddenly runs out of battery - you needn't miss that perfect photo opportunity. Because now of course there is the genius that is the camera phone. Ah yes, the quality might not be great - but hey, it's handy as all hell, and it can really get you out of a tight spot. Which is what we discovered recently. And how we got this.

I love the sand on his back which indicates at some point they were rolling around on the ground. I'm not sure what he is doing with his hands - I get the sinking feeling they're in his own pants...but hey, whatever I'm not here to judge.

The MAIN POINT I wanted to make here was - why is a photo of people getting it on taken with a mobile phone so much more perverted than when it's taken with a regular camera?
"Heyyyy what's up?"

Is it because you have to stand so close?
Is it because you look just a tiny bit simple - concentrating on holding the phone steady so it's not blurry - your mouth hanging open just a little?

Is it Shane Warne?

I guess while we're on the topic further congratulations must go to man of the minute, 'Party Boy' Corey Delaney. On top of his existing charges, is now being faced accusations of child pornography after taking photos of girls at the party on - yes - his mobile phone.

And Corey - way to go on cashing in on your fame. Demanding free CD's and concert tickets in exchange for your story - hats off to you son. What a cunning young mind.

A bit of dancing, a lot of groping

2008-01-15T02:55:00.001-08:00

Wow what a great weekend. Went out for a spot of dancing and snapping. At first we thought we may have chosen the wrong venue because although the music was great, there was a noticeable lack of PDA.

As the night wore on we started to get tired, it was past 4am and The Blonde's feet hurt so we progressed to some Seated Dancing (strictly no movement from the waist down) and lamented "Indie kids are too cool for PDA!". Then the crowd parted...

"Wow - he's got his hand right up there doesn't he", remarked The Quince. "Right up her clacker. Remarkable!"

A good night in the end.

Honourable mentions: That homeless guy who was rocking out on the dancefloor. Pity he didn't pick up - slammin' moves dude.

Daft Punk

2008-01-11T02:27:00.000-08:00

Some consider this event to be the single greatest musical moment of their lives. Others preferred pressing their bodies against temporary fencing structures which separated the toilets from the hotdog stands.

I quite like the 'deer in the headlights' effect of this one. The girl appears slightly shocked, whereas the guy just keeps going in there for more. You really have to admire his tenacity in a stressful situation.

Some were less restrained.

This happened just after Daft Punk started playing 'Together'. Beefcake turns to Blonde and says "This is, like, our song".

Aw. That's sweet.

Happy New Year

2008-01-11T01:48:00.000-08:00

"A public display of affection (PDA) is the physical demonstration of affection for another while in the view of others"

By all means keep going- but the dry humping and heavy breathing sounds are kind of drowning out the band, do you mind turning it down a notch?

Yes it's true - levels of PDA do vary. Some types are more offensive than others. But to avoid nitpicking debates (because that is boring and we're always right) we denounce all forms of PDA right now. Yeah that's right - ALL of it.

But wait a minute! Don't be such a prude! We don't care - why the hell should you?

It's funny you should say that - because the thing is we don't.

Enjoy.